Lyrics
I generally don't think songs need any explanation. I like leaving them up to the listener to find their own meaning and make it their own. I've ruined songs for myself by watching interviews with indie rock musicians and hearing them explain what it's "supposed" to mean. I had created a whole beautiful world around it and the new information shattered it for me. But it's been requested by my music community, and if you're really interested in knowing what goes through my head...here you go. Enjoy!
BODY OF WATER
Yea I'm travelin' beyond where
I've ever been before my brother
It's icy and windy
But one foot in front of the other
Repeating Chorus:
Think straight
Be right
Ride true
And be nice to those you don't know
Apparently I'm tougher
But I'm so hard on myself help me brother
To be kinder
And I don't feel like there's much time
​
Breakdown:
It's generally a conversation between me and someone I trust—God or literally one of my brothers. It's about the journey of my life. It's always been a little more harsh and frightening than I expected it would be and that's why I'm reaching out to this trusted person. Each chorus is a response of love from this trusted person, urging me on and re-focusing me on my values: I want to think healthy thoughts, mindfully choose my state of being, commit to a moral code and stick to it, and choose to be kind to those I meet along the way.
MESSING MY FACE
Callin' out to those weighed down
And tired with the burden of self
Callin' out to those weighed down
And tired with the burden of self
Repeated Chorus:
If you wanna mess around
Call me on yer flip phone
If the mothers take you down
Call me on the pay phone
St. Patty's Day in the farmer's market
Ribs and spices on my fingers and
Rod got a hot dog and Abe has
Thirty days to his name
I think it's blown over
Twin songbirds I'm sober
Sweet lemons and forests
I'm crazy I'm lookin'
​
Breakdown:
This is a very literal expression of my experience in 12 Step. The first verse is one of the principal phrases from the 12-step program, they're calling out to those weighed down with burden of self, and I'm choosing to set that as my target audience for my music too. The chorus is the general sentiment I express on phone calls with other addicts—if you want to hang out and connect let me know, and if you're getting wrecked by the "mothers" (short for mofos, which basically means "terrible people") call me back. I'm here for you. You're not alone. Which is a sentiment I think anyone can appreciate. "I think it's blown over" is expressing what it's like to make it through an addictive episode through surrender to God instead of acting out—it feels amazing to get through to the other side without hurting myself. It's a miracle.
WHITE PAPER BAG
Hungry like a human
I tried to stay away
Hungry like a human
I stole the leaves down from the trees
Face of a woman whose
Married life isn't what she thought it'd be
He's an ass and she's a strider
I'm gonna face the other way
Face of my face in the mirror
I'm growin' up the way I knew
I'm a white paper bag in the doorway
I used to carry someone's food
​
Breakdown:
This is kind of like a vignette of different scenes, feelings, moods, and thoughts to express what it's like to be a human living with never-ending hunger. No matter how much I eat, I get hungry again (there are some Adam and Eve vibes written into the first verse). No matter if someone finds the perfect spouse, we grow hungry again for the feeling of new love and change regardless of our moral code and we have to work through that. It's also a reflection on how my expectations about future events are often shattered by reality. It's crazy to look in the mirror every day and slowly watch my face grow older and older, through various stages, ages, and phases. I'm aging with my childhood written into my DNA, forming so much of my experience whether I like it or not. And finally, it all feels like being a vessel, an organ of passing. Nothing stays the same, and nothing physically stays inside of me indefinitely—a constant reminder of how tremulous a life it is to rely too much on physical comforts and fulfillments.
A SHOULDER PAD
We saw the man
The forest land
Straps in the dirt
Onto my frame
Yea my frame of mind
A shoulder pad
He understood my heart
He understood my heart
​
Breakdown:
This is an angry song about feeling misunderstood by everyone, and the relief of finally feeling understood by one person. This song just wanted to be this way and I'm still not sure why.
TOE STEPPIN'
I could see how there's so many people
Tryin' to fix up all the burnin' bridges
They like the X-Men comics
They like the X-Men men
I can see how there's so many
Problems in this house
Mother can you see my face it's burning?
We're workin' on it now
Watch as blankets wrap around the room and
What if politicians couldn't use their words and
I'd like to see that debate
And I'd like to walk away
​
Breakdown:
This is highly culturally revenant to the year 2020. We're obsessed with superhero movies and comics because they help us satisfy the craving for clean solutions and happy endings in such a complicated and messy world that might never have such a satisfying solution in our lifetime. I can see how there are so many problems in the world—it's a crazy place. "Mother" here could mean a literal mom, God, Mother Nature, or society in general. To that mother, people in pain are desperately asking if they're noticed, if their pain is acknowledged? Can you see me? I'm dying here. "We're working on it now"—there really are some wonderful people that work so hard to help and improve things. Final verse outlines a fantasy world where somehow stupid politicians are suddenly mute and cannot use their disgusting lies to subsist. I think they'd just die because they're just words after all, without their lies they have no substance.
SWIM THE MILE
I don't have time
To waste your life and mine
And I'm gonna jump ship
And I hope you're up for it
Cuz it's gonna be cold
Let the water seep into yer clothes
Your jack-o-lantern smile will
Come in handy when we swim the mile
I found a man
Who likes to sit and stand
But he won't lay down
He says he not up for it
Maybe winter takes a lot from us
Remember when the sun warmed our backs?
Or when we woke up early to watch the sun rise?
​
We don't have time
To save your life and mine
I swear you're gonna make it
And I can tell that you're up for it
Cuz it's gonna be cold
Let the darkness seep into my bones
But I can feel a hand
Pullin' me away to a homelike land
​
Breakdown:
This is a scattered metaphor mixed with an abstract though symbolic conversation between someone willing to die for someone else. "Your...smile will come in handy when we swim the mile" is the idea that these two people are about to do something dangerous to escape to safety like swimming through cold ocean water from a quickly sinking ship—and a prevailing smiling attitude will really help them stay positive through it. Eventually one of them realizes they'll die in their attempts to save the other and they accept their fate with hope in a next-life.
THE COLOR OF MY THREAD
Like a needle and thread
People enter and exit
The fabric of my life
Exits leave a hold behind
The memory thread fills it
And gives it purpose
And makes their absence bearable
Of course it takes time
To realign
As these needles come and go
I notice patterns
They develop
Swirling curves
Lines, and different kinds
Of textures
​
Breakdown:
This one is pretty self-explanatory. The constant flow of new people into and out of my life—how that all feels and how I make sense of it.
WE LIKE TO LEAVE WHEN WE CAN
We like to leave when we can
We like to get away
Are we gonna leave?
I don't think so
Fear is the god we follow
We talk in hushed tones
Always the future talker
Lost in a land of snow
Are we gonna leave?
I don't think so
​
Breakdown:
This one epitomizes my painfully drawn-out experience getting my undergrad in Provo, UT. I started in 2011 and graduated in 2020. Granted I did a lot of other things between start and finish but it felt like it'd never end. I also became aware of how many people around me seemed to be driven by fear without realizing it. I struggled a lot with living in the future and it made me feel lost in the emotionally difficult Provo winters. The lack of emotional resolution in the song ends with a happy explosion at the end to say I finally made it out!
HOLDING OPPOSING IDEAS AT THE SAME TIME
I hope you know who I am
And I gotta fulfill this thing
A mission or something
Can't quite see what it is
And I hope you know who I am
Yea it's just a little thing
About a mission or something
​
I hope you know who I am
And I gotta admit this thing
Really heavy or something
I can't unsee what it is
And I hope you know who I am
Yea it's just a little thing
About a God thing in me
​
Breakdown:
Me talking to God. I hope you know who I am because I'm intimidated by what I feel I need to do and I have to know that God has by back or I'm too scared to go through with it. Serving the church service mission in Québec for two years was very difficult. The first verse is pre-mission. The second verse is mid-mission and how it changed me–I can't unsee what I saw. The beautiful outro a reflection on all these conflicting experiences and ideas and coming to peace with all of them coexisting together.